


As if you Actually were Inside a Saltwater Room

by galacticmimi



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Sad, after the war
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-11
Updated: 2016-05-11
Packaged: 2018-06-07 17:35:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 955
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6817198
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/galacticmimi/pseuds/galacticmimi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A breeze sweeps through the ranks, bringing with it the smell of saltwater and fresh air. Weary expressions turn to that of a hopeful traveler when finally finding a place of rest. Levi stays stone cold.</p>
            </blockquote>





	As if you Actually were Inside a Saltwater Room

The air is salty before they reach the sea.

A breeze sweeps through the ranks, bringing with it the smell of saltwater and fresh air. Weary expressions turn to that of a hopeful traveler when finally finding a place of rest. Levi stays stone cold.

Somewhere to Levi's right, Hanji shouts in glee and spurs on the troops for the last half mile. Levi wordlessly follows, like he always does.

When they find the first sandy dune, soldiers shout in joy and race from their horses to the clear blue expanse before them. Even Hanji joins the celebration, whooping and hollering louder than any of the soldiers. She calls to Levi with a laughing shout, waving her arm in the direction of the ocean. By this time she already has removed her boots and cloak, running barefoot in the shallow waters.

Levi hesitantly climbs from his horse. When his boots hit the sand he can feel the heat radiating off the surface. Hanji yells for him again, and he follows her to the water's edge.

"Crazy, isn't it?" She sighs, extending her arms in both directions. "All this is right here and we'd dreamed about it for years like we'd never reach it."

Levi nods curtly, standing at her side like he is trained to, like he feels obligated to. "It is." He answers shortly.

She looks to the side at his sunken profile and frowns. "It's not your fault. None of this was your fault."

"I could have been there." Tears sting in his eyes like the sand blowing in the wind on his neck. "I acted on my own decisions and everything went to shit."

"Levi-" Hanji turns to him, placing a hand on his shoulder. "Nothing went to shit. Look where we are now. This is all because of you. You and your effort and your determination."

Levi snorts. Tears are falling down his face like waterfalls now. "That's why they made you the new commander. You both had one thing in common; you both are shit at making inspirational speeches."

"That's no way to talk." Hanji scolds him like she used to, ruffling his hair playfully. "Go have fun. Look, even Mikasa's smiling."

Levi gazes down the shore. Despite not knowing how to swim, most of the soldiers have swam out until the water reaches their shoulders and the salt in the water stings their eyes when the waves splash over them.

"I never thought I'd see these kids so happy." Levi smirks sadly. He can feel Erwin's presence behind him.

Erwin says nothing. In fact, Erwin hasn't said much for a while.

Levi ignores his silence. "I made some pretty shitty decisions back there." he sighs. "I guess I'm sorry for that."

The waves lap against the shore as the whoops and hollers of the troops die down to quiet conversations and the occasional laughter as they set up camp, watching the sunset over the blue expanse. A few fires are lit down the beach, their comforting glow reminding Levi of so many sleepless nights spent with softly burning candles, hushed voices, and stolen kisses. He can almost feel the tension of trying to keep quiet under the covers with thin walls on either side of the room. He can almost hear the laughter muffled by pillows as fumbling limbs get tangled in sheets.

"It feels like it was just yesterday Mike was shoving my face into a puddle." Levi chuckles shallowly. "To think I actually wanted to kill you. You know I'm glad I didn't, right?"

Once again, there is no response, but he can feel a hand on his shoulder.

"I don't know why everyone's so happy about this. Lately it seems I'm having trouble being happy like that." fresh tears spring to Levi's eyes. "I think it's getting bad again. My brain's all fucked up. I have dreams that I'm still stuck underground and I wake up thinking that too."

The hand on Levi's shoulder remains constant.

A few feet away, Eren calls to Levi. "Come join us, captain-" until Mikasa pulls him to the side. Armin is standing at the water's edge, tears flowing freely from his eyes as he gazes at what he's been dreaming of for years. 

"Let him have this." Mikasa whispers in a hushed voice, but the win carries and Levi can still hear her.

"I'm sorry." Levi sniffs, ignoring Mikasa's comment. "I can never say it enough."

The wind picks up and the warm hand leaves Levi's shoulder. Instead, it brushes his hair from his forehead and rests on his cheek for a moment before slipping away. Levi leans into the almost invisible touch, stumbling to the side when nothing catches him.

"It was nice to finally speak to you again." Levi draws his hand into his pocket. His fingertips brush a scrap of fabric he had kept for months. "Goodbye."

He takes the tattered fabric from his pocket. The blue and white of the wings of freedom on the hastily torn tan fabric are stained with drops of rose red. He traces the seams of the fabric as tears fall from his eyes onto it. The watery drops contrast with the red, creating a sickeningly sad painting on the canvas of blue and white.

Levi places the torn uniform emblem gently into the water and watches as the current carries it away. "Goodbye." he repeats again to no one in particular. 

Levi turn away from the sea and faces the shore, towards the presence of Erwin he could have sworn was right behind him. He feels a final warm touch on his back and a comforting breeze just barely brushes past his lips before it is gone without a trace.

**Author's Note:**

> based on Saltwater Room by Owl City


End file.
